APPAMADA

Maureen Milligan

My Dad, Claude Wesley Milligan, Died

Hi, my father died on Sunday, while I was at the airport fixing to fly out to see him. I had talked to him by phone on Saturday (he knew who I was) and again on Sunday morning when he was unconscious, but I was able to say goodbye, tell him we got our smarts and our sense of humor from him, and tell him that if he wanted to go, he didn't need to wait for me. I called my sister from the airport to check on him and it turned that when I called was the moment he died. I'm sad I didn't get a chance to see him when we was still alive, but feel we were connected nonetheless. The rest of the family had been with him Saturday night, laughing and telling stories and crying, and he was with them and conscious. I think he died a very peaceful death, just stopped breathing, with my sister holding his hand and reading People Magazine to him. We think that's what killed him. That's his kind of humor.

I told Flint, I didn't mind so much that we row out to the center of a lake and then the boat goes down**; what bothered me was that people we love row out and their boats go down. This losing parents (my mother died in June of this year; and we think my father died of a broken heart aftger 68 years of marriage) experience is ...really something.

I'm glad to be a part of this sangha and to be able to share this with you. Maureen

**I am already revisiting this position, as my boat seems to be springing a few leaks.

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John McInroy Comment by John McInroy on January 12, 2010 at 8:55pm
"... reading People Magazine to him. We think that's what killed him." LOL!

Sad for your loss, glad you shared something fun about him.
Joan Harman Comment by Joan Harman on January 4, 2010 at 9:42am
Dear Maureen,
Thank you for sharing this touching time in your life with us. It pulls me closer to you and our humanness. The feelings are so intense. I'm sorry your father's time has passed and my thoughts are with you as you feel your loss.
Joan
Eric Comment by Eric on January 2, 2010 at 5:43pm
Maureen,

You are definitely not alone in your experience.

The experience you've described above mirrors that of the experience I had when my grandmother passed away.

In the last day of her life, she too appeared unconscious, unable to communicate with words or gestures, but the whole family had rallied around her.

I was the only family member who hadn't yet been able to make it to Indiana and so told her what I could over the phone as I was fully aware that it might be the last time I'd get to speak to her. I thanked her in the same way you thanked your father. I told her how much I appreciated her and her influence in my life. I hung up the phone and called the airline to book a flight, but within an hour or so after speaking to her she died. To this day I feel fortunate to have been able to say good-bye and I share your sentiment of being sad in not getting the chance to see her when she was still alive, but feel we were connected nonetheless.

Peace and Such,

Eric
Lisa Kuntz Comment by Lisa Kuntz on December 26, 2009 at 9:56pm
Maureen, I'm so glad you shared your story. Losing parents changes your life, even when you think you are prepared. I am thinking of you. Keep in touch.
Lisa
Flint Sparks Comment by Flint Sparks on December 26, 2009 at 10:35am
Dear Maureen. I knew that you knew this was coming, yet the inevitable is still a shock. Thank you for letting us know and for allowing us some bit of loving support during this time of loss. My best... Fint
Peg Syverson Comment by Peg Syverson on December 23, 2009 at 12:19am
Maureen-
I'm very sorry about your loss and I'm thinking about you from Chicago. I wonder whether you would like to have a memorial for your Dad at Appamada once I get back to town. We would be glad to honor his life in this way.

Peg
Pamela Tomlinson Comment by Pamela Tomlinson on December 22, 2009 at 10:36pm
Maureen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but happy that you were able to talk to him and say what was in your heart. I also lost both of my parents (seven months apart), very difficult to put that experience into words. I am thinking of you and holding you in my heart. I am here if you need anything . . . Pam



Appamada is not just the occasional mindful thought or attentive state of mind, it’s actually a commitment to being attentive. It’s more than just a meditative state of mind, it’s more than just being mindful. It has to do with that primary ethical or moral orientation we have in life, with which we bring into being whatever activity we’re engaged in. Whether in formal meditation, in our interactions with other people, in our social concerns, or in our political choices, it’s the energetic cherishing of what we regard as good.
—Stephen Batchelor

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